


a love that i have lost but never could forget

by brigsbeebear



Category: Arrested Development
Genre: Depression, M/M, One-Shot, Season 5 Spoilers, title is from tfb song, tony and tracey are only talked about
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-06-12 04:50:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15332163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brigsbeebear/pseuds/brigsbeebear
Summary: This had been going on for a while, now. Gob staying in bed, alternating between sleeping, crying, and staring blankly into space, while Michael checked up on him. It started after Tony's closet on the float filled with cement, and Tony disappeared. Gob didn't know if Tony had run away, or if he had... Gob couldn't bring himself to think about it. So he stayed in bed. No one had thought to see if Gob was okay, except for Michael.





	a love that i have lost but never could forget

"Gob." 

Gob felt himself slowly swim to consciousness, his mind trying to stay asleep despite his body waking up. He groaned.

"Gob. Gob, wake up." Michael's voice sounded like he was under water. Gob opened his eyes slowly and saw his younger brother staring at him, worry etched onto his features. He was holding a plate in one hand and a glass of water in the other.

"What do you want, Michael?" Gob can't remember the last time he talked, and his voice comes out strangled and scratchy. Gob coughs.

"I don't know when the last time you ate was, so I made you some toast and brought you some water." 

"I'm not hungry." 

"Gob, I'm trying to help you. Please." Michael had the same look on his face that he wore when George Michael was a toddler and he was trying to get him to stop crying. He looked tired.

Gob sat up in bed and reached his hand out, taking the water. He took a small sip, and then realized how thirsty he really was. He drank most of it and then set the cup down on the nightstand. Michael handed him the plate and Gob balanced it on his lap.

He picked up the piece of toast and took a small bite. He chewed slowly, and felt himself growing self conscious with Michael standing there, watching him. Michael stood silently as Gob ate the toast. He finished it, and chased it down with the rest of the water. Michael put both on the nightstand and sat down slowly on the bed beside Gob. Michael was acting as if Gob was a deer he didn't want to scare away, and it made Gob angry.

This had been going on for a while, now. Gob staying in bed, alternating between sleeping, crying, and staring blankly into space, while Michael checked up on him. It started after Tony's closet on the float filled with cement, and Tony disappeared. Gob didn't know if Tony had run away, or if he had... Gob couldn't bring himself to think about it. So, he stayed in bed. No one had thought to see if Gob was okay, except for Michael. Gob had had times like this, ever since middle school, and it was always Michael taking care of him. The thought made his chest ache. Gob didn't have to think about what that meant, because the silence was shattered when Michael spoke up.

"Were you really in love with him?" Michael was looking at Gob now, trying to make eye contact, but Gob kept dropping his head and staring at his hands. Gob sighed. He was too exhausted to deny it anymore.

"Why else would I feel like this?" Gob finally answered. He felt the tears well up in his eyes, and rubbed them furiously with the heels of his hands. Gob thought about how tired Michael looked, and how he shouldn't even have to do this. Gob is the big brother. It was always like this, though. Ever since they were kids; Michael took care of everyone else. Except Gob didn't think Michael ever really got to be a kid. 

"Gob, I..." Michael's voice cracked, and he coughed. Gob still had his face in his hands, covering his eyes. "I know how you feel." 

Gob's head snapped up, meeting Michael's eyes for the first time since he entered the room. 

"How would you ever fucking know how I feel?" Anger bubbled up inside of Gob, and he offhandedly thought that it was nice to finally feel something that wasn't sadness or self pity. "I loved him, and I still do, and he left me. I spent so long hating myself for loving him, only to have him leave. You don't fucking know how I feel!" 

Michael sat extremely still, but raised his voice once he began to talk.

"I had to watch Tracey die, Gob. For months. I had to watch her wither away and become this shell of who she was, and I couldn't do anything about it. I had to bring my fucking son to see his dying mother in the hospital. And George Michael was a toddler. He had no fucking idea why his mother was attached to tubes and machines and why she could never come home. I had to just sit there and tell her I loved her while her body killed her. So don't you dare think you're the only person to ever lose someone you love, because you aren't." 

Michael had begun to cry.

Gob didn't usually feel bad for other people, that just wasn't something he ever learned how to do. Ever since Tony, though, that changed. Tony was the first person he ever loved, and because of him, Gob learned how to care for other people. Gob went from feeling nothing to feeling everything. Well, he always felt everything. He just wasn't hiding it anymore.

"Michael, I'm..." the sorry got stuck in his throat. Michael got up and walked toward the door, his hands shoved into his pockets.

"You're the only one who has checked up on me. Please." Gob was apologizing, in his own way. Michael's hand was wrapped around the doorknob, but he wasn't moving. Gob shifted uncomfortably in bed. The bedsheets felt rough all of the sudden. 

"They wanted to check up on you, Gob." Michael hadn't turned around. "I told them not to." 

"Why?"

"I didn't want them to... make you more upset. And I didn't know what you would say to them. You're kind of unpredictable, especially when you're like this. I remember when you had one of these spells when we were in high school. You almost ripped Buster's head off." Michael laughed, but it seemed devoid of humor. "Even if they haven't said outright that they were worried about you, I know they are." A lump formed in Gob's throat. 

"That's surprising. They never seemed to care." Michael turned around, and met eyes with Gob. Gob flinched involuntarily, expecting Michael to get angry.

"Gob, do you remember when George Michael was really little, and you showed him magic?" The question threw Gob for a loop, and he had to think about it for a second before answering. 

"Yeah. He was terrible at it." Gob retorted, and Michael laughed.

"Yeah, well, George Michael thought that you were the coolest. He would sit around all day and try to learn how you did those tricks, and he would constantly talk about you." Michael's expression softened, and he looked at the cheap carpeting instead of Gob's face. The Bluths had never been good with emotions. "Buster was the same way when he was little. Even Lindsay and I were a little jealous of what you could do." Michael's face was turning pink at the confession, and it hit Gob, full force, that Michael loved him. In his messed up, control-freak, Michael-way, he loved him.

"We care about you, Gob. Please, just... I want you to know that. And I know he really fucked you up. But we've been fucked up before. We'll always be fucked up. But we have each other." 

Gob did something then that neither of them expected. He forced himself out of bed, tripping on the bedsheets as he walked toward Michael.

And then Gob hugged him. Michael stood, frozen in place, his arms up in surrender as Gob embraced him. Gob's shoulders began to shake as he cried quietly into Michael's shoulder. It reminded Michael of when they were little, when Lucille would get especially hateful. The days when she did more than yell. Gob always got the worst of it. But Michael had been there for him. Just like he is now, and just like he always will be.

Michael blinked, inhaled slowly, and then hugged Gob back.

**Author's Note:**

> hi!! please give me feedback!! this is my first time posting a fic anywhere and i'm v nervous lol anyways my tumblr is brigsbeebear!!


End file.
